Much like squirrels, humans are natural hoarders. Unlike squirrels, humans tend to hoard unnecessary stuff like bottle-top collections and that toy candy floss machine that never actually worked. Unfortunately, your body isn’t a garage. Stop storing harmful toxins, stress and unwanted fat and get rid of useless body clutter with a detox eating plan, a hot stone back massage and a vibro-wrap session for R499 at the Lisa Raleigh Wellness Centre.
Today’s Groupon offers you the opportunity to rid your body of clingy centimetres, harmful toxins and those rocks on your shoulders that once resembled muscles. If there’s one place you can trust to give you the advice you need, it’s the Lisa Raleigh Wellness Centre. As the love-child of former The Biggest Loser trainer, the personal trainer and fitness renegade known as Lisa Raleigh, the centre is reputed for having some of the most innovative and specialized weight-loss and wellness programmes in the country.
The Lisa Raleigh detox eating plan is a healthy, holistic and non-restrictive programme that’s guaranteed to leave your system as clean and refreshed as a water-cooler. Because all that talk of detox is probably going to leave you needing a good old hug, enjoy a stress-relieving hot stone back massage and drift off as the healing hands of the therapist whispers muscle-charming murmurings to your tense tendons; melting them into a state of marshmallowy bliss. Next, burn fat and lose those loathed love handles with a 30-minute vibro-wrap session; a painless and non-invasive wrap that stimulates weight-loss through strong vibrations.
Now that you’ve made a good start, it’s only a matter of time until your body glows with health and the only thing you’re guilty of hoarding is that old Titanic poster.
Health-kick: One of the strangest diets to be published was designed by a French woman named Patti Paresseux. She suggested eating only low-fat yoghurt and working in a restaurant that serves frog’s legs. The smell of them and serving frogs-legs all day is supposed to make you feel full.